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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23456986">If you lost your way, I will leave a light on</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dr_bella_vixen/pseuds/dr_bella_vixen'>dr_bella_vixen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Grey's Anatomy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>16x16, Alex Karev Deserves Better, F/M, How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Schizophrenia, Self-Harm, Suicide Notes, What I Thought Was Going To Happen, greys anatomy - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 15:08:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>485</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23456986</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dr_bella_vixen/pseuds/dr_bella_vixen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jo's breath stopped when she saw the name on the letter Link just handed her. Her husband's. She didn't want to open it, she was scared, but also she wanted answers. She sat down, took a deep breath and opened it...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex Karev/Jo Wilson Karev</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>If you lost your way, I will leave a light on</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello fellow Jolex shippers!<br/>Here's a short one shot of what I thought had happened to our favorite Peds attending when I first saw those letters!<br/>In no way Jo deserved to be left like that for **SPOILERS** Izzie.<br/>Anyway I would tell y'all to follow me on twitter @rivergreysbella but I don't remember my password which is in my IPad but the plug doesn't work and I'm quarantaine, but you can follow me on insta @rivergreysbella (yes again), i do some ugly edits!<br/>Anyway stay home, stay safe and enjoy!</p><p>Also TW Suicide</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <em>March 2nd 2020</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dear Jo, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>This is not the way I wanted to do this. The last thing on earth that I want to do is hurt you, but I’m leaving. I already left actually, I’m gone. I’m not coming home Jo, and if you are reading this letter it means I’m dead.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m sorry, you deserve more than a this. And this right here, this cowardice, this letter, it’s officially the worst thing I’ve ever done. But It’s about me Jo, it’s not about you. It’s not what you deserve. You deserve and earned so much better than this. I love you Jo, I love that you are brilliant, and brave no matter what you go through. You never let it hold hold ou back. It’s makes you stronger, kinder. You made me kinder. This is why I know you will be able to get over this.You loved me for exactly who I was and I loved you. I love you, maybe it’s not fair to say that but it’s true, but what is also true is that I’m gone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A few months back, I had been diagnose with schizophrenia. I can’t lie to you and pretend the truth isn’t the truth.I didn’t want to forget the man I had become, the man you helped me become. I saw my mother trying to kill my baby brother, I know how schizophrenia works, I’ve been there. I did not want to put you through this. Also I saw the positive pregnancy test in the bathroom drawer, and god knows being a father is one of the thing I wanted the most on earth, but it don’t want my child, our child, to grow up and be afraid of me, i don’t want to put our child through what I went through.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know you will understand why I did this, I just hope you love me enough to forgive me. You were wrong, you were never the "let’s get a dog" girl, when I asked you to marry me, I meant it. When I told you I loved you, I meant it. I can’t lie to you. I couldn’t come home, I couldn’t have looked you in the eyes because I wouldn’t have been able to walk away. I love you. Thank you for making me better and taking care of me when I needed it, for taking care of yourself when you needed it too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I went to a lawyer and updated my will, I left everything to you, it’s yours. I also left you my shares in Grey-Sloan, whatever you choose to do with them, I know it will be amazing, just like you. You deserve everything good in this life Jo, I hope you find so much better than me. Thank you. I’m sorry. I don’t know how to end this, I don’t want too. Goodbye.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I love you,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alex.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So that's it... Pls let me know if you have feedback and also if you would like me to begin a new series revolving around Jo's pregnancy and the baby bc i have like a whole story line in my head !</p></blockquote></div></div>
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